Islamic Etiquette's(Adab) (1. Parents)

Al-Adab al-Mufrad

1. Honouring Parents:

TheWords of Allah Almighty: "We have instructed man to

honour his parents." (29:8)

 Abu 'Amr ash-Shaybani said, "The owner of this house (and he pointed at the house of 'Abdullah ibn Mas'ud) said, "I asked the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, which action Allah loves best. He replied, 'Prayer at 

its proper time.' 'Then what?' I asked. He said, 'Then kindness to parents." 

I asked, 'Then what?' He replied, 'Then jihad in the Way of Allah.'" He added,

 "He told me about these things. If I had asked him to tell me more, he would

 have told me more."

 'Abdullah ibn 'Umar said, "The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the parent. The anger of

the Lord lies in the anger of the parent."

 

2. Dutifulness to One's Mother

 Bahz ibn Hakim's grandfather said, "I asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. I asked, 'Then to whom should

 I be dutiful?' 'Your father,' he replied, 'and then the next closest relative 

and then the next.'"

 'Ata' ibn Yasar said that a man came to Ibn 'Abbas and said, "I asked a 

woman to marry me and she refused to marry me. Another man asked her 

and she agreed to marry him. I became jealous and killed her. Is there any 

way for me to repent?" He asked, "Is your mother alive?" "No," he replied. 

He said, "repent to Allah Almighty and try to draw near Him as much as 

you can." 'Ata' said, "I went to Ibn 'Abbas and asked him, 'Why did you ask

 him whether his mother was alive?' He replied, 'I do not know of any action better for bringing a person near to Allah than dutifulness to

his mother.'"

 

3. Dutifulness to One's Father

 Abu Hurayra said, "The Prophet was asked, 'Messenger of Allah, to whom 

should I be dutiful?' 'Your mother,' he replied. He was asked, 'Then whom?'

 'Your mother,' he replied. He was asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he 

replied. He was asked, 'Then whom?' 'Your mother,' he replied. He was

asked, 'Then whom?' He replied, 'Your father.'"

 Abu Hurayra reported: "A man came to the Prophet of Allah, may Allah 

bless him and grant him peace, and asked, 'What do you command me to 

do?'  He replied, 'Be dutiful towards your mother.'Then he asked him the 

same question again and he replied, 'Be dutiful towards your mother.' He

repeated it yet again and the Prophet replied, 'Be dutiful towards your

 mother.' He repeated the question a fourth time and the reply was, 'Be

 dutiful towards your mother.' Then he put the question a

fifth time and the Prophet said, 'Be dutiful towards your father.'"

 

4. Gentle words to Parents

Taysala ibn Mayyas said, "I was with the Najadites [Kharijites] when 

I committed wrong actions which I supposed were major wrong actions.

 I mentioned that to Ibn 'Umar. He inquired, 'What are they?" I replied, 

'Such-and-such.' He stated, 'These are not major wrong actions. There are 

nine  major wrong actions. They are: associating others with Allah, killing

 someone, desertion from the army when it is advancing, slandering a chaste woman, usury, consuming an orphan's property, heresy in the mosque, 

scoffing, and causing one's parents to weep through disobedience.'

 Ibn 'Umar then said to me, 'Do you wish to separate yourself from the Fire?

 Do you want to enter the Fire?' 'By Allah, yes!' I replied. He asked, 

'Are your parents still alive?' I replied, 'My mother is.' He said, 'By Allah, 

if you speak gently to her and feed her, then you will enter the Garden 

as long as you avoid the major wrong actions.'"

Adab al-mufrad, Sahih (Al-Albani)

 Hisham ibn 'Urwa related this ayat from his father, "Take them under

 your wing, out of mercy, with due humility." (17:24) 

 

5. Repaying Parents

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant

 him peace, said, "A child cannot repay his father unless he finds him as 

a slave and the buys him and sets him free."

 Sa'id ibn Abi Burda said, "I heard my father sat that Ibn 'Umar saw 

a Yamani man going around the House while carrying his mother on 

his back, saying, 'I am your humble camel. If her mount is frightened, 

I am not frightened.' Then he asked, 'Ibn 'Umar? Do you think that

 I have repaid her?' He replied, 'No, not even for a single groan.'

"Ibn 'Umar did tawaf and came to the Maqam and prayed two rak'ats. 

He said, 'Ibn Abi Musa, every two rak'ats make up for everything that has happened between them.'"

 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man came to the Prophet, may Allah bless 

him and grant him peace, and made a pledge to him that he would do hijra. 

He left his parents who were in tears. The Prophet (s.a.w) said, 'Go back to

 them and make them laugh as you made them weep.'"

Abu Hazim reported that Abu Murra, the mawla of Umm Hani' bint Abi Talib 

had told him that he rode with Abu Hurayra to his land in al-'Aqiq. When he entered his land, he shouted out in his loudest voice, "Peace be upon you, 

mother, and the mercy of Allah and His blessing!" She replied, "And peace

 be upon you and the mercy of Allah and His blessing." He said, "May Allah

 have mercy on you as you raised me when I was a child." She replied, 

"My son, may Allah repay you well and be pleased

with you as you were dutiful towards me when I was old."

 

6. Disobedience to Parents

Abu Bakra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him 

and grant him peace, said, "Shall I tell you which is the worst of the major 

wrong actions?" "Yes, Messenger of Allah," they replied. He said, 

"Associating something else with Allah and disobeying parents." he had

 been reclining, but then he said up and said, "And false witness." Abu 

Bakr said, "He continued to repeat it until I said, 'Is he never going to stop?'"

 Warrad, the scribe of al-Mughira ibn Shu'ba, said, "Mu'awiya wrote to 

al-Mughira, saying, 'Write down for me what you heard the Messenger

 of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say.'" Warrad said, 

"He dictated to me and I wrote out, 'I heard him forbid asking too many questions, wasting money and chit-chat.'" 

 

7. "Allah curses whoever curses his parents"

 Abu't-Tufayl said, "'Ali was asked, 'Did the Prophet, may Allah bless 

him and grant him peace, give you something special which he did not 

give to anyone else?' He replied, 'The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him

 and grant him peace, did not give me anything special which he did not

give to everyone else except for what I have in my sword scabbard.' He 

brought out a piece of paper. Written on that paper was: 'Allah curses anyone 

who sacrifices an animal to something other than Allah. Allah curses anyone 

who steals a milestone. Allah curses anyone who curses his parents. Allah

curses anyone who gives shelter to an innovator.'"

 

8. Being Dutiful to Parents as long as that does not entail Disobedience to Allah

Abu'd-Darda' said, "The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and

 grant him peace, recommended nine things to me: 'Do not associate 

anything with Allah, even if you are cut to pieces or burned. Do not 

abandon  a prescribed prayer deliberately. Anyone who abandons it will

 forfeit Allah's protection. Do not drink wine - it is the key to every evil. 

Obey your parents. If they command you to abandon your worldly 

possessions, then leave them for them. Do not contend with those in

power, even if you think that you are in the right. Do not run away from

 the army when it is advances, even if you are killed while your 

companions run away. Spend on your wife out of your means. Do

not raise a stick against your wife. Cause your family to fear Allah,

 the Almighty and Exalted.'"

'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man came to the Prophet, may Allah bless

 him and grant him peace, and said, 'I have come to make you a pledge 

that will do hijra although I have left my parents in tears."The Prophet(s.a.w)

 said, 'Go back to them and make them laugh as you made them cry.'"

 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man came to the Prophet, may Allah bless

 him and grant him peace, wanting to do jihad. The Prophet asked, 'Are 

your parents alive?' 'Yes,' he replied. he said, 'Then exert

yourself on their behalf.'"

 

9. The One who Fails his Parents will not enter the Garden

 Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant

 him peace, said, "Disgrace! Disgrace! Disgrace!" They said, "Messenger 

of Allah, who?" He said, "The one who fails his parents

or one of them when they are old will enter the Fire."

 

10. One does not ask forgiveness for his father if he is an idolater

Ibn 'Abbas mentioned the words of the Almighty, "When one or both of

 them reach old age with you, do not say 'Ugh!' to them out of irritation and 

do not be harsh with them but speak to them with gentleness and generosity. 

Take them under your wing, out of mercy, with due humility and say:

'Lord, show mercy to them as they did in looking after me when I was small." (17:23-24) He said,

"This was abrogated in Surat at-Tawba: 'It is not right for the Prophet (s.a.w)

and those who have iman to ask forgiveness for the mushrikun even 

if they are close relatives after it has become clear to them that

they are the Companions of the Blazing Fire.' (9:113)"

 

11. Dutifulness towards a parent who is an idolater

 Sa'id ibn Abi Waqqas said: "Four ayats were revealed about me. The first

 was when my mother swore she would neither eat nor drink until I left Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. Allah Almighty 

revealed, 'But if they try to make you associate something with Me about

which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. Keep company with

 them correctly and courteously in this worldÉ' (31:15) 

The second was when I took a sword that I admired and said, 

'Messenger  of Allah(s.a.w), give me this!' Then the ayat was revealed:

 'They will ask you  about booty.' (8:1) 

The third was when I was ill and the Messenger of Allah, may Allah

 bless  him and grant him peace, came to me and I said, 'Messenger of Allah,(s.a.w) I want to divide my property. Can I will away a half?' He said, 

'No.'  'A third?' I asked. He was silent and so after that it was allowed

 to will  away a third.

The fourth was when I had been drinking wine with some of the Ansar. 

One of them hit my nose with the jawbone of a camel. I went to the Prophet(s.a.w), may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and 

Allah Almighty revealed the prohibition of wine."

 Asma' bint Abi Bakr said, "In the time of the Prophet, may Allah bless

 him and grant him peace, my mother came to me hoping (I would be dutiful).

 I asked the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, 'Do I have 

to treat her well?' 'Yes,' he replied."

Ibn 'Uyayna said, "Then Allah revealed about her, 'Allah does 

not forbid you from being good to those who have not fought 

you in the deen.' (60:8)" 

*****

Ibn 'Umar said, "'Umar saw a silk robe for sale. He said, 'Messenger 

of Allah(s.a.w), would you buy this robe and wear it on Jumu'a and 

when delegations visit you?' He replied, 'Only a person who has no

portion in the Next World could wear this.' Then the Messenger of Allah,

 may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was given some robes made

 of the same material. He sent one of the robes to 'Umar.

'Umar exclaimed, 'How can I wear it when you said what you said about it?' 

The Prophet replied, 'I did not give it to you so that you could wear it. You 

can sell it or give it to someone.' 'Umar sent it to a

brother of his in Makka who had not yet become Muslim."

 

12. A person should not revile his parents

 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and 

grant him peace, said, "Reviling one's parents is one of the great wrong

 actions." They asked, "How could he revile them?" He said, "He reviles 

a man who then in turn reviles his mother and father."

 'Abdullah ibn 'Amr said, "A man's reviling his father is one of the 

major wrong actions in the sight of Allah Almighty." 

 

13. The punishment for disobeying parents

 Abu Bakra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant 

him peace, said, "There is no wrong action more likely to bring 

punishment in this world in addition to what is stored up in the Next

World than oppression and severing ties of kinship."

 

14. Making Parents weep

 Ibn 'Umar said, "Making parents weep is part of disobedience 

and one of the major wrong actions." 

 

15. The Supplication of Parents

Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant

 him peace, said, "Three supplications are answered without a doubt: 

the supplication of someone who is oppressed, the supplication of 

someone  on a journey, and the supplication of parents for their children."

 Abu Hurayra reported that he heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah

 bless him and grant him peace, say, "No human child has ever spoken in 

the cradle except for 'Isa ibn Maryam, may Allah bless him and grant him 

peace, and the companion of Jurayj." Abu Hurayra asked, "Prophet of Allah,

 (s.a.w)who was the companion of Jurayj?"

 The Prophet replied, "Jurayj was a monk who lived in a hermitage. There

 was a cowherd who used to come to the foot of his hermitage and 

a woman from the village used to come to the cowherd.

"One day his mother came while he was praying and called out, 'Jurayj!' 

He asked himself, 'My mother or my prayer?' He concluded that he should 

prefer the prayer. She shouted to him a second time and he again asked 

himself, 'My mother or my prayer?' He thought that he should prefer the

prayer. She shouted a third time and yet again he asked himself, 

'My mother or my prayer?' He again concluded that he should prefer 

the prayer. When he did not answer her, she said, 'Jurayj, may Allah

not let you die until you have looked at the faces of the beautiful women.' 

Then she left.

"Then the village woman was brought before the king after 

she had given birth to a child. He asked,

'Whose is it?

' 'Jurayj's,' she replied. He asked, 'The man in the hermitage?' 'Yes,' 

she answered. He ordered, 'Destroy his hermitage and bring him to me.'

 They hacked at his hermitage with axes until it collapsed. They bound his 

hand to his neck with a rope and took him along to the king. When he

passed by the beautiful women, he saw them and smiled. They were

 looking at him along with the people.

"The king asked, 'Do you know what this woman claims?'

 'What does she claim?' he asked. He replied, 'She claims that you are

 the father of her child.' He asked her, 'Where is the child?' They

replied, 'It is in her room.' He went to the child and said, 'Who is your father?' 'The cowherd,' he replied. The king said, 'Shall we build your hermitage

 out of gold?' 'No,' he replied. He asked, 'Of

silver?' 'No,' he replied. The king asked, 'What shall we build it with?'

 He said, 'Put it back the way you found it.' Then the king asked, 

'What made you smile.' 'Something I recognised,' he replied, 

'The supplication of my mother overtook me.' Then he told him about it."

 

16. Offering Islam to a Christian mother

Abu Hurayra said, "Neither Jew nor Christian has heard me and then 

not loved me. I wanted my mother to become Muslim, but she refused. 

I told her about it and she still refused. I went to the Prophet, may Allah 

bless him and grant him peace, and said, 'Pray to Allah for me.' He did so

 and I went to her. She was inside the door of the house and said,

 'Abu Hurayra, I have become Muslim.' I told the Prophet, may Allah bless 

him and grant him peace, and I asked, 'Make supplication to Allah

for me and my mother.'

 He said, 'O Allah, make people love Abu Hurayra and his mother.'"

 

17. Dutifulness towards Parents after their Death

 Abu Hurayra said, "The dead person can be raised a degree after 

his death. He said, 'My Lord, how

is this?' He was told, 'Your child can ask for forgiveness for you.'"

Ibn Sirin said, "We were with Abu Hurayra one night and he said,

 'O Allah, forgive Abu Hurayra and his mother and whoever asks for 

forgiveness for both of them.'" Muhammad said, "We used to ask

for forgiveness for them so that we would be included in 

Abu Hurayra's supplication."

 Abu Hurayra reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless

 him and grant him peace, said, "When a person dies, all action is cut off for 

him with the exception of three things: sadaqa which

continues, knowledge which benefits, or a righteous child who

 makes supplication for him."

 Ibn 'Abbas reported that a man said, "Messenger of Allah, my mother

 died without a will. Will it

help her if I give sadaqa on her behalf?" "Yes," he replied.

 

18. The Dutifulness of someone who maintains 

what his father loved

Ibn 'Umar reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him

 and grant him peace, said, "The strongest form of dutifulness is when 

a man maintains relations with the people his father loved." 

 

19. A man should not call his father by his name nor sit down

 before him nor walk in front of him

 

 Abu Hurayra saw two men and said to one of them, "Who is this man 

in relation to you?" He is my father," he replied. He said, "Do not call him 

by his own name nor walk in front of him nor sit

down before him."

 

20. Can a man call his father by his kunya?

 'Abdullah ibn Dinar said reported that Ibn 'Umar said, "But Abu Hafs 'Umar decided..."